Gavin Requests The Hair Prayer

Gavin turned 7 last week.  I felt great reverance right before he blew out his candles, knowing that we didn't know if we'd ever see his 7th birthday or not.  I feel so blessed to have him here with us. 

He's made some great gains this fall in therapy and in school.  He recently finished his first baseball season.  And to top it off, he lost his first tooth.  As I posted on Facebook when we realized it was loose, normal milestones make me giddy.  While I still have a lot of the same frustrations that come with most parents, I am pretty sure my appreciation for normal stuff is higher than average.  ;) 

And yet, the ramifications of what Gavin's been through still show through in various ways.  For a little while now Gavin has been bringing up his prayer request for more hair before our bedtime prayer.  He didn't make a big deal of it, just said he wanted more hair.  Tonight, however, the conversation went a bit further.  Instead of just saying he wanted more hair, he expressed how badly he wants to have more hair.  As he twirled his fingers through my long hair, he said he wants "lots of hair," like mine.  "Big hair."  (Not sure what that means, but I'm pretty sure it's way more than he currently has.)  He wants "so much more hair - like everybody else in the whole, wide world."  It clearly bothers him now that he doesn't have anywhere near a full head of hair. 

As my heart was breaking for him and I was fighting off the tears, we talked again about how the radiation that helped get rid of his cancer made it difficult for his hair to grow back.  I told him that I think he's absolutely handsome with a little or a lot of hair.  He didn't agree so much.  So I quit trying to rationalize it all for him.  I went back to square one and said that I would pray for a lot more hair with him.  And that appeared to be enough for him for that moment. 

I knew this day would come.  I knew this conversation would break my heart.  And I knew I wouldn't be able to make it all better when he told me how much it bothered him.  And yet it still hit me pretty hard. 

Gavin's oncologist made it pretty clear to us that what hair a child gets within 6 months of ending treatment is generally all they are going to get.  Some kids that get whole brain radiation don't get all of their hair back.  Some do.  Gavin's been off treatment now for nearly 2 and 1/2 years.  And yet his hair looks like he's recently ended chemotherapy. 

Maybe it's not in God's plan for Gavin to have a full head of hair.  Have I written about that before or just talked about it to other people?  I can't remember and honestly don't feel up to the research for it tonight.  But, I've often wondered if God didn't want Gavin's hair to come all the way back so that he would stand out a bit more.  People would be more likely to ask what happened.  We'd be more likely to share his story and the way that God worked through Gavin's cancer.  And as great as that sounds, I'm not going to lie.  I want my son to have hair because I want him to feel okay about himself.  Don't we all?  Even if it is part of God's plan for Gavin, I just hate knowing this is bothering Gavin.  It hurts me to see him sad about his differences.

I've talked about the hair prayer on here before.  But, it's been awhile.  And honestly, I've not been praying for more hair as fervently as I should.  Many people probably think it's silly to pray about hair, given what Gavin's been through and the scientific odds not in our favor for new growth.  However, I disagree.  God made those hair follicles.  He can recreate them as well.  And if he chose to do so, long after science could say it grew back on its own, wouldn't that give God glory as well?  I think so.  Because God knows our hearts and wants us to bring our concerns to Him. 

For now, I will not have the "this is all the hair you're going to get" conversation with Gavin.  Instead, I will lead by faith, telling him that we know it's possible for God to grow more hair if He wants Gavin to have more hair.  We'll ask God for more hair.  And lots of it.   

We'll gladly take your prayers as well. 

Gavin's Hair Prayer Club. 

I'll keep you posted. 

Much love,