Just To Be A Kid

Gavin had been growing more difficult to work with in our homeschooling and in many of his therapy sessions.  And that's really putting it mildly.  

It became obvious to us that perhaps the pace that Gavin has been living at for almost four years now had caught up with him.  We had chosen to homeschool this year with the hopes that we could focus more on therapy and educate Gavin in a more efficient manner in a one-on-one setting.  We hoped that the more relaxed schedule of not getting yanked out of school for more therapy would increase the quality of his life.  And for awhile, I believe it did. 

While we had the best intentions, I believe that such work at such a young age was just too much for Gavin.  His behavior seemed to be screaming out to us that it was just all too much for him.  And so after much prayer, we decided to change things up midstream.  We moved him to public school kindergarten.  Yes, at the end of February.  We've been beating our own drum for awhile now.  I suppose this was no different in that respect. 

So Gavin had his first day last Monday.  And yes, I've got pictures.  ;)

Ready for our short walk up the road to "the big school," sporting an OSU lunch pail, of course.  I'm fairly certain we were the only ones taking pictures all the way to school on the last Monday morning of February.  Oh well!

 Practically running as we headed into the school yard, partly because we were nearly late (that new routine is something else!!) and partly because he was just so stinkin' excited.

 Sitting in line for Monday Morning Rally.  One of the highlights for Gavin is the fact that this buddy is also in his class.  This is Philip Endres, his friend that has also survived cancer that I spoke about in a post on courage recently.  Aren't they just so cute?

The week before Gavin started school, I had a meeting with a number of the school's staff members.  I had asked if they would allow Gavin to wear a hat on the playground because of his lack of hair.  The principal immediately said it was okay and she even told Gavin's teacher that if the rest of the class wanted to wear a hat on the playground with Gavin it was okay with her.  Very thoughtful. 

On Monday, after Garrett and I said our goodbyes to Gavin in the rally line with Philip, we ran into Gavin's new teacher.  She was holding the cutest little plaid hat.  She had the school's name and emblem put on this hat just for Gavin.  She said it could be his "school hat" so that we didn't have to remember to pack a hat each day.  He could keep it in his cubby.  Even more thoughtful, huh?

His first week went great.  He was all smiles each day when Garrett and I walked up to meet him.  He loves his new teacher.  She's an OSU graduate, so I can't blame him. ;)  But seriously, everyone that asks me who his teacher is immediately gushes about what an amazing teacher she is.  So, I believe Gavin is in good hands. 

Friday was Western Day to top off their study on Texas.  Thanks to our buddy, Tate, Gavin was hooked up with some boots, a fun belt, and a great shirt.  Super cute!

Garrett and I had lunch up at school with Gavin on Friday.  Gavin had mentioned at bedtime the night before that while he loved school, it was tiring.  I ensured him that it was normal to feel tired from the start of longer school days and that it would get better.  I also told him that the next day was his last day for the week and that he'd get two days to rest before starting back the next Monday.  I spoke with Gavin's teacher in the cafeteria on Friday.  She said Gavin kept telling her that while it had been fun in her class, today was his last day.  ;)  Sweet boy! 

Another big change that we opted for was to stop his private therapy for the rest of the school year.  A well deserved break.  Gavin will still receive some therapy through the school district, but that's it.  It's time for him to just be a kid. 

I am at complete peace with his transition.  But it didn't come easily.  I wrestled with the idea of this transition for quite awhile.  I prayed a very sophisticated prayer to God over and over.  It goes like this:

"Lord, I want to want what You want me to want." 

Once I said it a few times, I realized it should really be my life mantra.  I also asked that God would help me feel at perfect peace with whatever He wanted me to do for Gavin.  And so, I am very grateful for the peace I've felt during his first week up at "the big school." 

Isaiah 26:3
You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!

And for the first time in a very long time, I feel like "just a mom."  For quite awhile I felt more like Gavin's nurse than his mom.  Then I felt more like his therapist than his mom.  And more recently I felt more like his teacher than his mom.  So, this week was a nice change of pace.  He was happy to go to school and happy to see me at the end of the day.  I was happy to spend some long overdue one on one time with Garrett.  And I think we were all happy that Gavin had absolutely no appointments during the week.  It was nice to watch him just be a kid. 

On a health note, Gavin's growing like a weed.  We measured him today and think he's grown about 2 more inches since December.  If he looks skinny in the above pictures, it's because he has become much taller and is showing off many more ribs now.  And yes, we're working on that.  But we are thankful that he's doing so well and that the growth hormone shots are working. 

Thanks for checking in on us.  Now that I'm not doing lesson planning of my own, I hope to post here on the blog a bit more. 

Much love,

Are You AppSmitten Yet?

Technology these days is pretty fancy, huh?  I joined the smart phone world about a year and a half ago.  And I love what it is capable of.  Many of you know that I am in love with finding new apps that can help make life easier.  I love educational, yet fun apps for my boys.  I love apps that help me find a good restaurant in a new town.  I love apps that keep my schedule and to-do list with me at all times.  I love apps that keep me connected to friends.  I love apps that tell me the weather.  I love apps that keep health information organized for me.  I love apps that entertain me with games.  I love apps that play music during my workout.  I love apps that help me talk with friends in Europe for free. 

You get the point.  I love apps!

BlogHer, the publishing network that my blog is a part of, recently introduced me to a new site called AppSmitten.  If you have an iPad, iPhone, or Android, you've got to check it out.  The theory behind it is this -- there are a million apps out there.  Finding the best ones for you is like finding a needle in a haystack.  So, let AppSmitten do it for you. 

And the best part?  IT'S FREE!!!  :)

AppSmitten works by hand-selecting the apps that would best meet your needs.  They'll send you an email listing the ones you might like and give you bite-sized information about each one as well as its price.  Their main site also categorizes the best apps out there for you to browse through as well.  You can search for apps by a specific category or see their list of what they've found to be the best of each category.  There's also a section called "trendsetters."  This catalogs the latest and greatest in the apps.

So, if you are interested in finding the best apps for your lifestyle, check it out through the following link:
http://www.appsmitten.com/referral/?referral_code=19017&referral_source=blogher

I will be perfectly honest in telling you that I am a part of an affiliate program through AppSmitten.  This means that I do receive a small payment for any newsletter subscribers that use the above link.  But, I happen to think it's a great, FREE service or else I wouldn't recommend it. 

Sign up for the newsletter and give it a whirl.  And let me kow what you think.  What do you have to lose? 

Stay tuned.  I plan to post again here in a few days.  Fun news here in Smithville.  I'll give the report and pictures as well.  And no, we're not expecting another baby.  ;)

Much love,

HeARTS for ART: Benefit Fundraiser

For all of those that live in or near Collin County, Texas:
This Saturday, February 4th, in Allen there will be a benefit called HeARTS for ART.  It is done in memory of Samantha Schmidt, a local 10 year old that passed away this past Monday from leukemia (AML). 

Last summer she was diagnosed with AML and was treated at Cook Children's in Fort Worth.  While on treatment, Samantha worked with an art therapist and discovered a wonderful talent and passion for art.  Samantha and her family decided to help fund research to find a cure for this dreadful disease in order to help others like them. Her friends want to show Samantha and her family how much we, as a community, love and care for them. To do this, Samantha will be remembered with a silent auction and benefit that is all about her passion - ART!

There will be art focused activities, a raffle for items such as the latest Samsung Galaxy S Tablet and silent auction items including a piece donated by Allen’s own world renowned artist Amanda Dunbar.

Here's the scoop:

When: Saturday, February 4th from 3:00 - 7:00 pm
Where: 105 S. Anna, Allen (the old central fire station)
Benefitting: Cook Children's AML Research
For More Information: send an email to heARTbenefit@gmail.com

Please consider going to this benefit.  Sounds like a good time for an extra good cause. 

And regardless of whether you can attend or not, please be in prayer for Samantha's family and friends.  I did not know this little girl, but have friends that did.  It sounds like Samantha was a very special child, loved by many.

Much love,

Not Fair

Gavin's been telling us about how "not fair" things are lately.  He won't verbalize so much what it is exactly that's not fair.  But when he doesn't want to do something, we hear the "not fair" break out.  At first it was just reserved for home.  This past week, however, I was called back into his physical therapy appointment because he was completely uncooperative and saying (maybe even screaming) "Not fair!!!"  Proud mommy moment, right?  Yeah.  My thoughts exactly.

We've had a rough string of poor behavior with Gavin.  School days are either really good or really bad.  Some days I just want to cry and I wonder how in the world this was God's plan for Gavin this year.  Surely, I've made a mistake and we need to enroll him immediately into our local district.  Then the good days roll around and I'm reminded once again why we're doing it this year.  I feel a bit like a tree, blowing back and forth in the wind.  And no, I'm not so proud of that either. 

Jeff and I talked about it last night and decided Gavin's right.  It's not fair.  Kids are all forced to learn this hard lesson sooner or later.  Gavin was just forced to deal with life's harsh realities a bit sooner.  Okay, way sooner.  We didn't choose to write it this way.  We never would have chosen for Gavin to have cancer.  But God allowed it.  And we are blessed beyond words that Gavin's still alive and well today to tell us how unfair he feels it is.  I can process it that way because I'm an adult.  Gavin's only 7 years old.


He's still young.  And he's trying to sort through it all in his own way and in his own time.  I want to allow him grace to do that without giving him the freedom to be disobedient in the process.  It's a fine balance.  I wish I could see the script that runs in his little mind.  To really know what he's telling himself.  To see if I could help him better understand it all.

Is he afraid?  Just tonight after I tucked him in he asked me when his next MRI was.  He didn't want to talk more about it.  Just wanted to know when it was.

How sad is he?  I know he says it makes him sad that he doesn't have more hair.  But what's the magnitude of that sadness?  He realizes that he's not like the others.  But how different does he realize he is?  How left out does he feel?

Is he mad?  Now that he has learned that not everyone goes to occupational, physical, and speech therapy multiple times per week, is he bitter?  Clearly, a number of things in life are harder for him to accomplish than his peers.  Is he frustrated?

Does he feel loved?  Unconditionally loved by his Mommy and Daddy.  And most importantly, by Jesus.  Or does he wonder why we make him do all of this extra stuff that no one else he knows has to deal with?  Does he wonder if we let it happen?   Even made it happen to punish him? 

We know he's a miracle.  We know God has a plan.  We know this has all been allowed for very specific purposes.  But as a 7 year old, I'm just not sure Gavin can comprehend all of that.  And if he could, I'm not sure he would appreciate it.  Because kids desperately want to be "normal."  And while Gavin had a solid 3 years and 4 months of a normal childhood, I'm pretty sure he doesn't remember much of it at all.

We'll get it all worked out with Gavin.  I don't think he's going to wake up one day and suddenly feel that it really is fair after all.  But, I pray that he will accept it all a little more easily and enjoy the life that he has been blessed to have.  May God give us the wisdom to help him get there. 

Thank for you continuing to follow our life story.  We all have a story, right?  Our family is blessed to have people that care about our story and want to know more details so that they can better lift us up to the Lord in prayer.  You showered us with prayer during our darkest days.  And you continue to check in to see how you can shower us still.  Thank you hardly seems adequate.

Much love,

Meet Phoebe Fair

I would like to introduce you to Phoebe Fair.  Isn't she beautiful?  She's 2 and 1/2 years old.  The youngest of 4 to missionaries Nathan and Amey Fair.  And she was recently diagnosed with a brain tumor at Children's Medical Center Dallas.

I learned of this family through my dear friend, Joy.  It seems Joy's cousin is married to Amey's sister.  Joy thought I might want to read their CaringBridge site (www.caringbridge.org/visit/phoebefair) and even reach out to this family.  She was right.  I looked over their site and immediately left a message with my email address, letting them know we'd be happy to speak with them if they wanted to.  Phoebe's father, Nathan, responded with his cell phone.  I called him last Wednesday night. 

During our conversation, Nathan had asked for more details about Gavin's specific type of cancer. I explained that it was AT/RT and told him a bit about that type of cancer. I explained that Jeff and I would be in Dallas this weekend (a stay-cation of sorts to celebrate our 11th wedding anniversary) and that we'd gladly come talk with them if they would like to.

Later that same night I received an email from Nathan. The pathology report had come in for Phoebe's tumor. Phoebe had been diagnosed with AT/RT as well.  He and Amey would love to meet with us if we had time.   My stomach turned as I read the news. What are the odds? AT/RT is so rare. Yet, a friend sent me the CaringBridge site for this family. I happened to check it out that same day and leave a message. The father happened to respond immediately. And I told this father about AT/RT just hours before he finds out that his precious daughter also has AT/RT.

Jeff and I met with Nathan and Amey earlier today up at Children's. To say that they are a sweet family is a terrible understatement. They recently returned from Mexico, where they had served as missionaries for a few years. They are in between assignments, so they have no home. They are currently looking to rent something in the Dallas area, preferably as close to Children's as possible. If you know of resources to help this family out, could you please email me at staciesmith19@hotmail.com ASAP? Please put Phoebe in the subject line.I'll forward the information along to them. 

As awful as it was to meet this family under these circumstances, we all agreed that we felt God had his hand in our meeting. We've been there. We get it. All too well. And we're willing to help them navigate the new journey as much as possible to help ease their way.

2 Corinthians 1:4
He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others.  When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.  

Please join us in praying for a full healing for sweet Phoebe. You can see their CaringBridge site by going to www.caringbridge.org/visit/phoebefair. If you've never visited CaringBridge, you have to set up a password to get onto the site.  No big deal.  Please don't let that hinder you.  I have also added a link to the left side of my blog, under the heading "pray for these." I know you all are an amazing group of prayer warriors!

Much love,

MRI Results

Gavin had an MRI this morning. The neurosurgeon looked at the scans when we went to see him for a shunt check after the MRI. (It's a mandatory trip to the neurosurgeon's office after an MRI.  Gavin has a programmable shunt.  It's programmed by magnet.  And the MRI is one huge magnet.  So we have to check to make sure the shunt didn't get reprogrammed during the MRI.) Gavin's neurosurgeon said today's scan looked great. He said it wasn't the official reading because the neuro-radiologist does that. However, I consider a neurosurgeon's reading to be pretty official. He looks at scans on a VERY regular basis. Will let you all know if we hear anything different.

1 Chronicles 17:16
...“Who am I, O LORD God, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?"
 
Praising God for how far He has brought Gavin. We'll never understand why certain children survive and others do not. And we recognize the fact that we've never been guaranteed survival in Gavin's case either. Just so grateful for the continued good news on the MRI front.

Thanks for checking in.

Much love,

Friends of Courage

Gavin had a play date over Christmas break with a fellow cancer survivor. Many of you that know us locally may be familiar with him. I thought his CaringBridge site was linked through my blog. And I just realized it wasn't.  Now it is.  His name is Philip Endres. He was born roughly a month after Gavin. He lives VERY close to us. And he was diagnosed with leukemia the SAME day that Gavin was diagnosed with his brain tumor in 2008, though at different hospitals in Dallas.

Odd, huh? 

I met his sweet mother at a mutual friend's birthday party back in 2009 at Chuck E Cheese. Philip was sitting next to Gavin.  I was standing back a bit, taking it all in.  I think it was Gavin's first party to attend since he ended treatment.  Philip's mom was near me and asked me if my son had cancer. It was obvious. I was used to the questions. His hair was just starting to sprout post-treatment. I said that he had just finished treatment. I figured she was just curious about this nearly bald child. So I was shocked when she told me that her son also had cancer and was currently on treatment. He had hair at this point in his treatment, so I hadn't even thought about him having cancer.

Philip's mom and I have kept in touch since then, but our boys hadn't actually gotten together.  Philip just ended his 3-year leukemia treatment last summer.  We decided to have them meet up for a play date over the Christmas break.  Philip came over to our house on a day that Garrett was heading to a friend's house to enjoy his own play date.  The boys shuffled back and forth between the game room upstairs and the living room downstairs.  They played so well together.  It was music to my ears to hear these two survivors play like any two other boys would do.  At one point they asked for some help upstairs.  I walked into the game room about the time Philip noticed Gavin's Beads of Courage. 

Beads of Courage?  Perhaps you aren't familiar with them.  Basically, it's a program run through the hospital for children with specific diagnoses.  Children are given a strand and earn beads based on things they endure.  For example, a red bead for a blood transfusion.  A rainbow bead for therapy.  A white bead for chemo.  A yellow bead for staying in the hospital overnight.  A maroon bead for a ride in the ambulance.  A kid with a hat bead for losing hair.  A star for surgery.  And on and on.  My favorite?  A purple heart for ending treatment.  Gavin's hospital started the program about 2 months before he ended treatment.  If I remember correctly, Gavin was the first child at Children's Medical Center of Dallas to start a strand.  You should see how long his strand of beads are!!  In only 2 months.  I can only imagine how long it would have been had they started when he was diagnosed.

Gavin loved the beads (and still does).  At one point, he decided that he wanted his own bead.  We went to Michael's and he chose a set of blue beads that matched his beloved Baby and Daddy doggies perfectly.  He put one bead on his strand.  And he gave a slew of beads away to nurses and doctors that had a "provider" strand going as well.  He will still pull out the beads now and again and talk about what he remembers from the beads and which ones are his favorites. 

So that's a little history on Beads of Courage.  Back to the play date... 

I walked into the game room about the time Philip noticed Gavin's beads of courage.  In a bag.  On a shelf.  Not strung across the room.  Any other child would have passed them by.  But not Philip.  Immediately, he knew what they were.  And his face lit up as he said, "Hey!  I have beads too!"  He and Gavin pulled out the beads and talked for a few minutes about them.  They mentioned their favorites and many that they had in common.  And then they moved on to play with something else.

You had cancer.  I had cancer.  No big deal.  Let's keep playing.  ;)

I stood there in complete amazement.  The unspoken bond that these children must have!  If we decide to place Gavin in the local school district next year (and yes, it's already time to think about next fall!), he and Philip would attend the same school.  In the same grade. 

Two boys who were forced to have such courage at such a tender age. 
Survivors. 
Friends. 

While they didn't know each other back in March of 2008 when their worlds of "normalcy" came to a screeching halt, I have to think that God knew that eventually they would meet.  At Chuck E Cheese, of all places.  ;) 

Much love, 

Too Much Of Me. Not Enough Of Him

Happy New Year! I've been away from the blog for a little bit. But, I'm feeling the rhythm now and think I just may be on my way back to regular blog posts.

As 2011 came to a close, I did what so many of us do at the end of each year.  I took a little time to reflect on my current life.  Time to figure out what seemed to be working for me and what needed change.  And the more I thought about it, the more I heard the same mantra reverberate deep within me. 

There's too much of me.  And not enough of Him.
 
While I may have had the best of intentions in life, I realized I was hyper-focused on myself and those closest to me.  And my primary focus wasn't on Jesus.  Like it should be.  It's not that He wasn't a large part of my life.  He was.  But, was he really the center of my life? And I heard it again... 

Too much of me.  Not enough of Him.

So, my plans for 2012 are to make Jesus the center of my life.  I have some plans to make this happen.  For example, I'm going to read the Bible in its entirety again.  I skipped the last two years, thinking my Bible studies and such would suffice.  Ha!  It's not the same, friends.  If you haven't read the Bible cover to cover, please join me.  Go to www.youversion.com/reading-plans/all to pick a reading plan.  When you break it up like the plans do, I think you'll find it to be enjoyable. 


I am going to facilitate another women's Bible study through our church.  It will be on Wednesday nights, starting January 25th.  It's a 10-week study by Stormie O'Martian called The Power of the Praying Woman.  If you have read anything by this author, you will know this will be a good study.  Love her work!  I watched the first video session and knew this was the one to do.  So ladies, if you are in the Collin County area, please consider joining us.  Click HERE to go to the church site.  Online registration should begin soon. 

I have another something through the church that I hope to get going soon.  The idea hit me during a church service a couple of weeks ago and I'm pretty sure that was a "God thing."  I'm excited to share more about that, but will wait until the plans are more solidified.

Just a few of my 2012 plans to have more of Him and less of me.  

As for the general update in our family, things are going well.  Garrett just turned 5 and says he feels older already.  He's likes doing 1/2 preschool at the church and 1/2 homeschool with us here at home.  He looks forward to starting tee ball again in the spring and says he'd like to be Spiderman when he grows up.  ;)

Gavin feels great and is losing teeth left and right.  He lost two upper teeth over the Christmas break.  His gummy smile makes me smile.  We have pretty well finished curriculum that is considered kindergarten level in our local school district and have moved into first grade work.  I find that to be a major perk of homeschooling him this year.  If we decide to move him into our local school district next fall, first grade won't be all new information. 

Gavin has a regularly scheduled MRI next Thursday.  This is the first time we've gone 6 months without an MRI.  Thank you for keeping Gavin in your prayers.  I feel good about this scan. 

Thanks for checking in on us.  I'll try to post more regularly.  Anything in particular you all think I should blog about in 2012?

Much love,

Garrett's Turn

Garrett doesn't get nearly as much "press time" here on the blog as Gavin does.  I promise that's not the way I envisioned this blog.  But, life has a way of changing our plans, right?  Please know that Garrett is super special to us, even if he hasn't been discussed with nearly the frequency as Gavin.  Oh, how we love that boy!

Garrett's said some cute stuff lately and I wanted to document it while it was fresh on my mind.  For those of you that don't know Garrett all that well, let me just say he's a thinker.  Always thinking of something.  And he'll come up with the most interesting comments and questions at the most interesting times.  And you will realize just how in depth he's been thinking on something. 

For example, we were at Six Flags the other day, standing in line for a kiddie roller coaster. Garrett's birthday is around the corner, so he may have originally been planning his own birthday celebration in his mind. But that apparently changed to thinking of Jesus and his birthday. Out of nowhere he asked me, "Mommy, where is Jesus going to go for his birthday?" (Surely, He would have a party, right?)  Not sure what to say, I explained that Jesus likes to celebrate in our hearts. That seemed to suffice and he nodded in understanding. I went ahead and added that his Sunday School class would soon have a birthday party for Jesus. His mouth dropped open and his eyes got super big. He was thrilled that Jesus would have a party after all. ;)

A few days later, we were driving to therapy. As we neared the final turn before the clinic, I heard Garrett say to Gavin, "We're getting close to Bethlehem now!" I had no idea why he said that, but thought it was so cute. I figured he was just really in the spirit of Christmas and pretending we were heading to Bethlehem. It was only after therapy that we turned the opposite direction onto a completely different street and saw a large nativity scene in front of a local business. Garrett was so excited as he exclaimed, "Look Gavin! There's Bethlehem!" It made so much more sense after that. I was just shocked that he knew his way around our city so well already and was thinking of how to get to the nativity scene. We rarely even drive that way.

Obviously, I'm biased.  I'm his mother.  But I think this has to be one of the sweetest kids I've ever known.  He has always seemed to have a sweetness about him, even as a baby.  But, I think watching his brother battle cancer did a thing or two to help him as well.  You all know I would have given anything for Gavin to not have cancer.  But since I didn't get the chance to choose, I'm glad I can at least say there are a number of blessings that resulted from an ugly thing like cancer.  Like Garrett's ability to think of others.  I'm pretty sure it was enhanced during those early days. 

Garrett was only 14 months old when Gavin was diagnosed.  I remember when he was probably only 18 months old and Gavin was super sick from his chemotherapy.  Gavin and I were on the living room floor, while he was vomiting once again into a basin.  It was one of those days when we just knew things would get worse and we'd head to the hospital.  Garrett came over to Gavin.  With the sweetest look on his face, full of absolute compassion, he began to pat Gavin on the back.  Even as a toddler, Garrett understood just how awful this whole thing was for his brother.  And he clearly wished Gavin was all better.

I hated that Gavin had to live it.  And I hated that Garrett had to watch it.  There were so many times that Garrett had to wait on something while I tended to the immediate needs of his brother.  He never complained.  And still there are many times that Garrett waits on his brother.  Most commonly, it's waiting at the therapy clinic these days.  And still, he never complains.  Sweet, sweet boy. 


We are blessed beyond measure.  God knew what he was doing when he designed Garrett.  I can't think of a better personality He could have added to our family when He blessed us with this child.  Only God could have known what would be necessary to weather such storms at such an early age. 

I promise I'll try to do better in 2012 at posting more about Garrett.  He's a neat kid.

Much love,

My Love For The Winter Hat

There are so many things that I love about this time of the year.  Obviously, Christmas makes number one on my list.  But this weekend I was reminded of a simple thing about this time of the year that I love so much.

Hats.  Winter hats to be more specific.   

Sounds odd, I know.  But remember that Gavin has very little hair.  And Gavin is very self-conscious about his lack of hair these days.  Just tonight at bedtime, he talked again in detail about how sad he is that he doesn't have hair like everyone else in his Sunday School class.  The hair prayer continues...and my love for winter hats flourishes in the meantime. 

We took the boys to Holiday in the Park at Six Flags yesterday.  It was a little chilly, so the boys both wore winter hats the entire time we were there.  I loved the fact that under the cozy, warm hat was a Gavin that got a break from the usual stares.  While he has never said anything to me about people staring at him, I think his worries about his hair stem from the fact that he gets stared at A LOT wherever we go.  Sometimes people ask about why he doesn't have "any" hair or why he has a bump (the shunt) or why he has so many scars.  Sometimes they just look his head over long and hard, as if he's from out of this world.  When he has a winter hat on (rather than his usual ball cap), all of that is covered up.  Even the hearing aids.  He blends.  And the stares dissipate.

While I think Gavin is absolutely handsome just the way that he is, I love that winter hats give him some reprieve from the public eye.  And I know he must enjoy the break from their attention as well.  Thank you for continuing to join Gavin in The Hair Prayer.  I believe God can give Gavin this miracle and pray that He would. 

In other excitement, Gavin recently lost his second tooth.  It was his first top tooth and another one is loose up there as well.  He might be singing "All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth" if it falls out pretty quick.

Also, we went to the endocrinologist for Gavin's first checkup since we started the growth hormone shots.  Good news!  He's grown some already.  We were prepared that it takes some children a full year to grow at all after starting the shots.  But, Gavin's grown almost a full inch since September!  I had noticed that a few of his shirts seemed shorter, but hadn't really measured him.  I hated to get his hopes up by measuring him at home all of the time.  He's very excited that his "growing medicine" is working.  And his ears are finally getting bigger, which means he will need new hearing aid molds because the current ones aren't staying in so well these days.  When he got his hearing aids well over a year and a half ago, the audiologist said most kids get new ones every 6 months or so because they grow so much.  Gavin's still on his first set.

It's the little things that make my heart smile.  A reprieve under the cover of a winter hat.  A toothless grin.  Growth of almost an inch.  And new hearing aid molds.  But most of all, Christmas as a family of four once again this year.

We have much to be thankful about here.  Thanks for checking in on us. 

Much love,
 

Like Martha Stewart, Minus The Jail Time

It's official.  I'm making my own laundry detergent.  I know some of you must think I've gone completely off the deep end now.  But hear me out. 

Quite awhile back we switched to Seventh Generation laundry detergent to try to avoid some of the harsh chemicals that are typically used in laundry detergents.  (Having a child that has gone through cancer makes you look at the world and the toxins within it a bit differently, I suppose.)  I have loved their detergent, but not so much their price.  And then my mom told me she was making her own. 

It took me by surprise because she isn't usually making homeade concoctions like this.  I remember her vividly saying that Martha Stewart had gone too far when she started making her own mayonnaise.  ;) Regardless, she found a "recipe" for some do-it-yourself, all natural laundry detergent and was trying it out.  She offered to give us a batch of it as well.  I tried it and quickly became a fan of it.  In fact, I just made my very own batch the other night. 

I joke with my mom about how much money she's going to save us.  It's wonderful!!!  I am just shocked that it takes very little time (and even less money) to make the stuff.  Everyone should be taught this before heading out into the real world.  Seriously.

I posted on Facebook while whipping up my first batch that I felt a bit like Martha Stewart, minus the jail time.  I received a number of comments asking for the recipe.  I said I would post it here and link up there.  Well, that was a couple of days ago and it looks like toes are tapping because I'm getting messages asking where the recipe is.  So, here it is, folks!  Hope you enjoy it and the money you're about to start saving.   Let me know what you think!

Ingredients for one batch:
1 cup Borax
1 cup Washing Soda (not Baking Soda)
1 bar Ivory Soap

(You can find the borax and washing soda in the laundry section of the store.)

1.  Grate the entire bar of Ivory soap with a cheese grater.  Don't worry, it's soft soap and grates with very little effort.  I think it took less than 5 minutes to grate it up.

2.  Mix the borax, washing soda and grated soap into a bowl. 

3.  Make the detergent super fine by mixing it in a food grinder.  I used a mini food grinder because it was what my mom had used and worked well.  I mixed 1/3 of the batch at a time.  I turned it on for a few seconds and then shook it around a bit and went some more until the powder looked pretty fine.  (I would guess it took less than a minute each time.) 

4.  Put the detergent into a storage container of your choice.

5.  Use 1-2 tablespoons per load of laundry.  Yes, just 1-2 tablespoons!!  I put mine in before the laundry goes in, right when I turn the water on.  It dissolves quite easily. 

We haven't used fabric softener in years, but Mom said she quit using fabric softener when she started using this detergent.  She says her clothes are softer than ever. 

Remember, I have two boys.  So we have our fair share of stains.  While I do pretreat stains, this detergent is removing stains just as well as my other detergent had been. 

There's another recipe for liquid detergent out there, but it sounds like more work for the same end result.  Since the powder dissolves so easily, I don't think the liquid version is worth it. 

All natural, cheap, easy-to-make detergent.  Jeff and I did the math and it came out to less than $2 per batch.  And at 1-2 tablespoons per load of landry, it lasts quite awhile. 

You can thank me later.  Merry Christmas, friends!

Much love,

Gavin Requests The Hair Prayer

Gavin turned 7 last week.  I felt great reverance right before he blew out his candles, knowing that we didn't know if we'd ever see his 7th birthday or not.  I feel so blessed to have him here with us. 

He's made some great gains this fall in therapy and in school.  He recently finished his first baseball season.  And to top it off, he lost his first tooth.  As I posted on Facebook when we realized it was loose, normal milestones make me giddy.  While I still have a lot of the same frustrations that come with most parents, I am pretty sure my appreciation for normal stuff is higher than average.  ;) 

And yet, the ramifications of what Gavin's been through still show through in various ways.  For a little while now Gavin has been bringing up his prayer request for more hair before our bedtime prayer.  He didn't make a big deal of it, just said he wanted more hair.  Tonight, however, the conversation went a bit further.  Instead of just saying he wanted more hair, he expressed how badly he wants to have more hair.  As he twirled his fingers through my long hair, he said he wants "lots of hair," like mine.  "Big hair."  (Not sure what that means, but I'm pretty sure it's way more than he currently has.)  He wants "so much more hair - like everybody else in the whole, wide world."  It clearly bothers him now that he doesn't have anywhere near a full head of hair. 

As my heart was breaking for him and I was fighting off the tears, we talked again about how the radiation that helped get rid of his cancer made it difficult for his hair to grow back.  I told him that I think he's absolutely handsome with a little or a lot of hair.  He didn't agree so much.  So I quit trying to rationalize it all for him.  I went back to square one and said that I would pray for a lot more hair with him.  And that appeared to be enough for him for that moment. 

I knew this day would come.  I knew this conversation would break my heart.  And I knew I wouldn't be able to make it all better when he told me how much it bothered him.  And yet it still hit me pretty hard. 

Gavin's oncologist made it pretty clear to us that what hair a child gets within 6 months of ending treatment is generally all they are going to get.  Some kids that get whole brain radiation don't get all of their hair back.  Some do.  Gavin's been off treatment now for nearly 2 and 1/2 years.  And yet his hair looks like he's recently ended chemotherapy. 

Maybe it's not in God's plan for Gavin to have a full head of hair.  Have I written about that before or just talked about it to other people?  I can't remember and honestly don't feel up to the research for it tonight.  But, I've often wondered if God didn't want Gavin's hair to come all the way back so that he would stand out a bit more.  People would be more likely to ask what happened.  We'd be more likely to share his story and the way that God worked through Gavin's cancer.  And as great as that sounds, I'm not going to lie.  I want my son to have hair because I want him to feel okay about himself.  Don't we all?  Even if it is part of God's plan for Gavin, I just hate knowing this is bothering Gavin.  It hurts me to see him sad about his differences.

I've talked about the hair prayer on here before.  But, it's been awhile.  And honestly, I've not been praying for more hair as fervently as I should.  Many people probably think it's silly to pray about hair, given what Gavin's been through and the scientific odds not in our favor for new growth.  However, I disagree.  God made those hair follicles.  He can recreate them as well.  And if he chose to do so, long after science could say it grew back on its own, wouldn't that give God glory as well?  I think so.  Because God knows our hearts and wants us to bring our concerns to Him. 

For now, I will not have the "this is all the hair you're going to get" conversation with Gavin.  Instead, I will lead by faith, telling him that we know it's possible for God to grow more hair if He wants Gavin to have more hair.  We'll ask God for more hair.  And lots of it.   

We'll gladly take your prayers as well. 

Gavin's Hair Prayer Club. 

I'll keep you posted. 

Much love,

A Note On Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is fast approaching and I'm noticing many of my Facebook friends are posting a daily blurb on what they are thankful for.  I like it.  I did several Attitude of Gratitude posts awhile back.  It was good for my soul.  I should write more of them. 

As I mentioned last week, I am in the middle of a Beth Moore Bible study called Living Beyond Yourself: Exploring the fruit of the Spirit.  Love it!  In our recent video, Beth Moore discussed the importance of giving thanks.  And I thought she had a very interesting point that I couldn't resist sharing in light of this current season of thanks.  I'll be paraphasing what she said, of course, but hope you get the point. 

Philippians 4:6-7
Don't be anxious about anything.  But in everything, with prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Beth Moore quoted this scripture and discussed the importance of that thanksgiving part.  She said that when we give thanks to God for all that He has done for us before we request anything else, it's as much praise to Him as it is a good reminder for us.  It jogs our memory of what God has already given us and carried us through.  And as we remember how good He has been to us, our faith is strengthened as we ask Him to help with something else.  We can present our requests to Him with a stronger belief that He will see us through our current situation as well. 

_________________

Did that hit home with anyone else?  Or am I the only one who had never thought of it in that exact light before?  I have a feeling I'm not alone.  That's why I chose to share. 

Happy (early) Thanksgiving to you all!

Much love,

Give Back With Gavin

Gavin will turn 7 years old in November.  In an effort to honor Gavin's continued survival, a sort of tradition we've got going is to take some donations to the Center for Cancer & Blood Disorders at the Legacy Campus of Children's Medical Center of Dallas.  The donations are given in effort to improve the quality of life for the children that are in the midst of their fight for life.  These kids spend countless hours at the cancer clinic, especially in the infusion area. 

We'd love to give you all the opportunity to join in on our fun again.  You all have done such a great job with this in the past.  And can't see first hand what an impact you have make through giving to this cause, just know that each donation touches the life of a child with cancer personally.  This year, we'll be donating prizes and snacks. 

The Prize Closet
Oh, how kids love the prize closet in the cancer clinic. This beloved collection of treasures supplies the children in the CCBD with a prize every time they are poked. And yes, I mean a needle poke. Frequent bloodwork, shots, port accessing. These kids get poked a lot. And the staff feels they deserve a little something for it. And I agree. The thought of getting to go to the prize closet makes these kids that much tougher during a rough experience like a port access. And, it usually gives them something new to play with while they are at clinic that day and then to take on home with them.

The prizes for this closet are not part of the CCBD budget. Money has to be allotted for more important things, like buying the latest and greatest in technology to help save lives every day. So, the CCBD relies on donations from others to keep the prize closet stocked.  They need OUR help.

It's fun to buy prizes for the prize closet. We've taken some prizes in here and there to give back to the closet since Gavin finished treatment. The boys absolutely LOVE going shopping for the prize closet. Surprisingly, they never ask for something for themselves when they know we're shopping for the closet. And they have such joy as they hand over the bags of prizes to the nurses at the CCBD. I figure it kills two birds with one stone. We help maintain the prizes and the boys get to learn about the joy of giving to others. It's that simple!

Prizes come in all shapes and sizes because the clinic treats kids of all ages. Both boy and girl prizes are necessary. Spend a little on each prize or spend a lot on each prize. You decide. Regardless, know you are going to make a child's day!

There is one very important rule anytime we give to the CCBD. Every item must be BRAND new. This is not because the patients are that particular at the CCBD. It's because the majority of them have very little, if any immune systems to rely on. Items have to be new. No exceptions.

Snacks & Drinks For The Infusion Area
The infusion area is a collection of private rooms around a central nursing station. The rooms are for patients at the CCBD for outpatient infusions. Maybe it's a blood transfusion. Maybe it's all day chemotherapy. Regardless, most kids are there for at least a few hours.

Gavin spent so much time in the infusion room, the staff lovingly referred to one specific room as "Gavin's Room." They treat you like family in the clinic, which makes the thought of chemotherapy dripping through your child's body a little more tolerable.

One perk of the infusion room at the Legacy clinic is the snacks and drinks. Gavin didn't really partake in many of them because he really only wanted water during his cancer treatment because of his extreme nausea and vomiting. TPN & lipids given through is port provided him with his nutrition. But, that's not the case for most kids there. And having some snacks there on hand provides one less thing for these parents to have to remember to pack for such a long clinic day.

Drinks to consider would be juice boxes, Gatorade, Sprite and the like. They have a ice and water machine there in the clinic, so bottled water is not really needed. Good snack options would be items such as goldfish, pretzels, fruit snacks, graham crackers, jello, fruit bars, granola bars, etc.

There are two very important rules we must follow in donating food or drinks to the clinic. First of all, everything must be individually packaged. No big bags of pretzels to share among several patients. And the outer package of item must have a expiration date on it. It's just to keep everything fresh and safe for the kiddos.

Here's How To Help
1. If you live in the Dallas/Fort Worth area, let me know if you have a donation to drop off. We'll make arrangements. Simply email me at staciesmith19@hotmail.com with "Donations" in the subject line.

2. If you don't live in the area, but would like to help out I'll happily be the personal shopper if you want to send some money. The boys and I did this at the end of last year's donation drive. It was SOOOOOO much fun. Again, email me at staciesmith19@hotmail.com with "Donations" in the subject line and we can talk about more details.

Deadline
While the CCBD will always take your donations and I will always gladly be the courier of your donations to them, I am going to set a deadline for this particular drive. I figure it will give you all a bit more motivation to do it NOW instead of later. :)

So, I will accept donations for this particular drive until Monday, November 14th.

Join the fun. Make it a group effort. Try to get your church, sports, cub scouts, bunco groups involved. Let's make a difference together!

Much love,

Take Courage

I'm in the middle of a Beth Moore Bible study right now called Living Beyond Yourself: Exploring the fruit of the spirit.  If you haven't considered doing this one, you most certainly should.  I love it! 

This past week our homework focused on peace.  Many stories were reviewed about times in Christ's life when he exuded peace, despite the circumstances.  One such story was when the disciples were out on the lake and a huge storm came.  Jesus walked on the water to help them.  They were terrified when they first saw Him and believed He may have been a ghost.

Mathew 14:27
But Jesus spoke to them at once. "Don't be afraid," he said.  "Take courage.  I am here!"

Notice a key part of that verse - Take courage.  Some versions word it differently, but I love the way it is worded in my New Living Translation.  Take courage. 

Not have courage.  Take courage. 

And then it struck me.  We take courage because it's His to give, not ours to have.  Do you get it? 

So many times people have said to us, "I just don't know how you all did it!  I can't imagine going through cancer with my child!!"  I usually respond by telling them that we didn't do it.  God did it.  It's the only way to explain it.  Left to my own devices I would have crumbled.  Over and over and over.  But there was Jesus in the midst of our crisis and heartache saying, "Take courage.  I am here!"

But should we have to go through crisis and heartache to take Jesus up on His offer to not be afraid of life's troubles?  He is there all of the time.  And He's able and willing to give us peace, joy and courage.  Even while the storm is still raging.  We just have to be willing to take it from Him instead of trying to find it on our own. 

Beth Moore defined peace nicely in the Bible study the other day.  "Peace means the absence of fear and turmoil, not the absence of pain and grief."  And that reminds me of two other verses from the Bible.

John 16:33
"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me.  Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows.  But take heart, becuase I have overcome the world."

Philippians 4:6-7
Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.  His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

My prayer is that what I have learned along the journey will never be wasted.  These thoughts have resonated so strongly with me this week that I felt I must share them here with you.  I think we all need to hear these words, but I pray that it reaches those that need to hear it most right now. 

Much love,